Lovers to friends is tricky. Break ups are messy with nasty things implied and even nastier things said. Becoming friends after a break up takes a strong constitution. Emotionally you’re prone to fall back into a zone-black hole that you’ve climbed out of, that contributed to the break up. Becoming friends with an old lover means you’ve forgiven…to forget could be dangerous..moving forward can be liberating, but old habits dye hard…

Did they cheat on you? Lie to your face? Ditch you for fun with friends? Weekend trips without you, night outs creeping home at dawn? Date night replaced with work at the office?

And somehow, after the break up, all the crap you put up with, a few weeks-months later you’re on friendly terms, this person having made it to the “friend column” in your contact list, a star by their name putting them on your favorites list. This phase has it’s “honeymoon” stage as well. You see them in a different light. The darkness that surrounded them when you were a couple on the verge of name calling and break-up, you’re not attached. You have no say or care with whom they’re sleeping, or if they’re lying to someone about meeting you for a Starbucks. It’s nice to see them, you greet them with a smile. This person is familiar you and will likely get your joke about the oddly dressed guy sitting at the next table.

For a time, it’s great! Then, like a faucet with unmarked spigots, you stress about meeting, because now you’re not sure if you are meeting a hot or cold friend. Text have become short and abrupt. You come to the realization that they are the person you left, this is the real them…you can’t change the spot of a leopard. Just short of crossing into the couple zone, you’re once again in the black hole. Do you confront them, surely you will argue, creating a monolith.

You can’t continue doing the same thing, in the same way, expecting a different result. Deny yourself the need to confront, or to discuss. Allow yourself the dignity and deny them further audience. You’ve done that breakup dance before…learn from it. Lovers to friends is a maze of emotions.