A married woman has not had been intimate with her spouse in 10 years. She has not had intercourse with him in 10 years. Yeah, they’re still married, living under the same roof.
I began to pondering this, wondered if this is a common marital arrangement. Would you consider this an “arrangement”? A polygamous relationship is an arrangement, why wouldn’t this be the same? As you process the situation, you have a horde of questions. Was this mutually agreed upon? How did you arrive with the sleeping arrangements? Who decided which closet, bathroom, bedroom? Does the normal everyday stuff change? Is that divide like roommates or does the everyday stuff remain as close to resembling a married couple for the sake of those looking in? And is there nudity? Usually married people of couples in committed relationships expose their naked bodies as a natural part of co-habitation. One would assume, if there’s no co-mingling there’s no kissing…no pecks…no nothing. With all this unknown running through my mind, I had to learn more. Was she a brave soul? Or a really cunning woman? Or just bravely stupid? I relish calling people the “s” word, but it seems appropriate in this case.
Upon further conversation, gaining permission to write about this in my blog, I found myself marveled at her sense of control of her life, her goals, her accomplishments. Yes, accomplishments! She was a dutiful wife until one day her spouse of many years was diagnosed with a non life threatening ailment. It would not be cured, he would not die and there is no cure. It became all about him and his ailment. Everyday was dedicated to his need to be fulfilled as a man, even the sex itself was no longer about her but him getting his ejaculation when he needed to feel manly. Her vagina, having had no issues in the past, suffered a metamorphosis due to the medication he was on that wouldn’t cure him, but help him manage the ailment. She wanted to continue being an intimate couple but wanted him to use a condom. A simple request, right? Well, no! Not so simple. He used them for awhile and eventually he stopped…stopped having intercourse. I was reminded that he didn’t do anything to give her a happy ending. No finger, no tongue, no vibrator. She was left to find her own orgasm. He didn’t want to talk about sex. He began to tell her no so nice things about her body. He made her feel unattractive and unappreciated as a woman.
Five years past. She reminded me that when the 5 year mark came around she didn’t plan to have an affair, it was, a natural progression. She was, in her words: “…ready to be fucked by a man’s penis and not a dildo.” What she discovered, unbeknownst to her, she missed giving pleasure to a man more than having intercourse, more than having him lick her clit, more than him finger fucking her, sucking her tits. She began to experiment orgasmic sensations while sucking a mans cock. The more it grew, the harder it became, the wetter she would get until she felt the pulsation of an orgasm. She use to gag when going deep with a penis, now she likes to go deep, stroke it with her tongue, lick his balls and swallow as much of the penis as she could fit into her mouth. This of course made the guy she was having the affair with ape shit for her. Made him want her more. They were together for a few months and she decided to move on, to explore her feminine curious side.
Three years past while she was engaged with sexual pleasure with select people when she met a couple whom seemed perfect. They shared many interest and they both made her feel sexually desirable and wanted. You see it’s one thing to feel sexy, it whole different story to be sexually desired. Her time with them made the world a perfect place. She’d give some reason for having to spend the weekend away from home. It was a fantasy. The three of them in another city with the freedom of anonymity, gave her a sense of prowess. She changed her hair, her style of dress, brought sexy panties with matching bras and on one trip she returned with a discreet tattoo that was meant for lovers only.
Twelve years in, she got the serious stuff done. Vaginal rejuvenation, strategic cool sculpting, starting hot yoga, pilates and long walks on the beach with her trusty canine. She was always selective, but more so now. The couple moved due to job promotion, she visited a few times, but it’s been a couple of years since she’s seen them.
“Somethings” She told me. ” Are good for the short term, too much takes away the goodness, lessens the appeal.”
On that I have to agree wholeheartedly. It’s a defining factor for nonmonagamy. It lends to the saying, variety is the spice of life.
She remains in her marriage, as a convenience, to maintain the lifestyle she’s accustom to and the family structure, so much as it is, intact. He’s not demonstrated any interest in all these years of abstinence. She secure with herself and who she is. Although he still makes derogatory comments, they no longer bother her.
I asked the obvious. Do you think he’s aware of your sexual prowess? Her response. “Oh I’m sure it’s crossed his mind at some point, but he’s not into me and he’s of a mindset, if he isn’t, no one else would be either.”
I say Brave Soul…anyone who goes against the grain of society, especially when it’s carnal knowledge has got a lot of chutzpah. A toast for the lady.
Whereas, if women masturbated more, they are less likely to want emotional attached sex. Women who masturbate freely, at will, with creativity are more prone to have sex, for the sake of having sexual intercourse, as a natural part of being a woman. There are some they masturbate freely with and for their husbands. For the most part, married women who masturbate do so when they are alone and he has no idea that his wife enjoys pleasing herself, regularly. These women are not what society would call good wives, she’s not saving it for him. Which brings me to the man who has lost his lust.
Often wives of these men are their caregivers and life has just bogged them down with doctor’s visits, medications and the inability to connect on a sexual level. Age, for men, can also be a contributing factor. He’s lost his zest! She’s never had that much interest in being sexual, performed it as a duty and now that he’s comfortable to snore the night away in his leather loungers, she happy to have the bed to herself for most of the night. But. What happens to the woman who was afraid to tell him she wanted them to add zing to their sex life, adding a nite of swinging, or a visit to a sex club? She had the missionary sex for 20 years, or more, he’s lost his manly man and has put sex on the back burner. Which as it turns out was a couple of years ago when he had missionary sex with his wife. She’s still wanting sex! She’s got a secret stash in her panty drawer of dildos that vibrate and maybe even a butt plug, nibble clamps, essential oils…How does she tell her lackluster husband she’s horny for some wild sex? She fantasizes about being fuck by a man while she sucks her husband’s cock? The kids are gone, empty nesters and all he does is watch Netflix! She’s surfed the sites and she knows there’s a vast world of sexual fun and no way to get to it, unless she goes it alone.
Affirmative Spirit 
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